Psalm 37

Nie szukaj tego, co mają inni
Nie spoglądaj na ręce tych, którzy myślą, że są silni.
Ich życie to chwila.
Od upadku dzieli ich mila.
Ty zaś w Panu miej nadzieję
Bądź stały!
Niech twe życie się nie chwieje.
Przylgnij sercem do swego Boga
A zobaczysz jak spełniają się Jego słowa.
Przedstaw Mu swe marzenia i plany.
Nie martw się!
On z cudów jest znany.
Ucisz swe myśli i odpocznij
Porzuć rozpacz, swego ducha wzmocnij.
Ci, którzy nie boją się Pana odejdą w zapomnienie.
Wniwecz obróci sie ich złorzeczenie.
Nie pożądaj ludzkiej chwały
Dziękuj za to, co Boskie ręce ci dały.
Bo to, co On daje
Na wieki pozostaje.
Tak więc w Panu miej nadzieję
Bo tylko pokorny znjadzie w Nim odpocznienie.
On stawia wysoko tych, co Mu ufają
A ich pragnienia zawsze się spełniają.

Unwanted

That day around 8.00 p.m. while the sun was giving its last shine and graciously greeting the night, she appeared by the beach. Her vivid white skirt was torn, in some places blood stained. Her toes were soiled, covered with countless amount of blisters. She was walking with her head facing down. Her hair were matted from the tears, an appearance devoid of brilliance.
In a moment when the light of the setting sun rested on her face, she stopped and lifted up her eyes.
´´It´s over - she said. ´´It´s time to create the new me.´´

As a little girl without knowing why, she was constantly searching for adoration. She wanted to be the apple of someone´s eye, someone´s pride and joy. Calling for attention, she could be the one they wanted her to be: beautiful, thin, wise, talented. In fact it was not always easy to mantain these standards. Sometimes she was just so fragile. Many affords, no results at all. Frustrated, even angry for herself, slowly but brutally she was killing her body to become a statue of worship for those who didn´t even love her. Momentary rush of positive emotions did not eliminate the permanent state of her soul. In all of this, there was only one constant feeling - unwanted. That´s how she felt and the way she lived. The fear of rejection pulled her to those who only hurt her. Something inside was telling her that the reason of her instability was her father who just had left one day and never came back, without goodbye and explanations. Her mum closed herself up in the room. According to her isolation was the best way to forget. The girl didn´t follow her mother this time, she had been doing this for too long.... as you can guess, it never worked.
After a while the father started to call with apologies. Big promises and expectations brought only disappointment. Hope for reconciliation bacame the illusion. Even though the girl hated him so much, she had a strong desire to run into his arms just to feel the warmth of daddy. Two people connected by a threat of DNA create an indissoluble bond, a destination from which you cannot escape. She tried to displace him from her consciousness, but the heart was screaming louder.
One day she decided to find him. She didn´t understand why. Part of her still loathed him, the other part longed for forgivness. She didn´t plan this journey, she just left home. In a vivid white skirt, she was walking in an unknown direction. Her heart was beating like crazy, full of excitment, anxiety and permeating discomposure. The impact of these feelings led her to him. He was suprised with her visit. However he didn´t seem to be in high spirits, but rather repressed and inconvenienced. She craved to to know so much but finally she didn´t ask about anything. They sat both in silence. He was protecting his heart as best as he could, out of  words, out of courage. It seemed like he settled down to a new life without missing, without memories. She was looking for him in her thoughts day after day, wanting him to be her heroe, waiting to be simply loved. Then she realized that he never needed her. The meating was over. She walked so far to find out that she was unwanted. No big revelation. She always felt like that and now it was confirmed. She didn´t have to wait for him anymore. It was sure - he would never be back.

That day in the light of the setting sun, totally exhousted, she sat on a big stone by the beach. With a burden in her heart she decided to not let this label of ´´unwanted´´define her life anymore.
´´You didn´t know how to be a father´´ - she said. ´´That´s why you had rejected me so easily.´´
The sun set with every delicate layer of darkness covering the sky. The first glimpse of the stars was accompanied by the yet feeble gleam of the moon.
Let us finish this chapter, the new one is coming...